What Are the REAL Costs of Perfection?
Love it when I hear from my readers about one of my blog articles like last week’s post, Are You Tired of Trying to be Perfect? Did this article resonate with you too? I decided to follow up on this article because it’s such a common theme for so many women, including myself. Setting high standards is one thing – something I encourage, but when we go to extremes and demand perfection from ourselves and others there are REAL costs to everyone involved.
Here’s what this reader had to say,
“Timely message as I often suffer anxiety due to need to be perfect and then beating myself up for falling short of my self-imposed expectations. Thank goodness for my husband who never gives me a harsh word for my boo-boos. He "spanked me" (jokingly) for beating myself up, and said "stop"!!
BE KIND TO SELF and don't say anything to yourself (idiot, bone-head, old, stupid...) that you wouldn't say to a friend!”
I hope you take this advice to heart and practice being kind, loving and supportive to yourself. AND here’s a little secret: Men don’t like it when we are self-critical. It’s unattractive. So stop it already. I know it’s not easy to correct a long-standing habit, but just because it’s not easy doesn’t mean we should give up trying.
Break an unproductive habit by practicing. Pivot the negative self-talk to positive. What would you say to a cherished friend? Be that kind to yourself. Instead of feeling exasperated with yourself for thinking something unkind, just stop, breathe and re-frame.
There was a time when I told myself all sorts of negative things one of which is all too common for smart, capable, amazing women like us - maybe I’m not good enough. I thought I didn’t have the correct background or enough experience to write a book. After going on my personal spiritual journey and with lots of practice, I changed my story to one which resulted in a book I am very proud of and one that has helped so many women.
Listen, the costs of relentless striving for perfection and beating up on ourselves for every mistake is too much. Give it up before it costs you your most intimate relationship.
What can happen?
You’ll be prone to making snap decisions. Whether you’re just dating or in a love relationship you need to be thoughtful about your words and actions. Don’t throw the relationship or possibility of one overboard just because he isn’t perfect. Give love a chance. No one is perfect.
You’ll lose trust in yourself. Adding up our every mistake causes self-doubt. Doubting ourselves can be paralyzing. If I hadn’t gotten control of my unproductive self-talk, I would not have been able to write a book and get it published. What’s on your radar that needs your self-love and kindness?
You might lose out on your authentic love connection. Remember what I said above: Men are not attracted to women who are consistently self-critical and quick to judge others. Your man does not want to be constantly criticized and may be thinking, “What does this say about me, if I’m attracted to such a negative, overly critical and flawed person?
Until next time remember: Treat yourself with the love and kindness you wish to experience from others.
Your biggest fan,
Denver Love Coach
Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four-Step Process) shows women how to go from frustrated and disappointed to attracting an authentic love match with confidence and clarity. Connect and get her free Ten Secrets to Navigating Online Dating (and staying safe). Subscribe today at GaylaWick.com.