What You SAY About Men & Dating Changes Everything!
What You SAY About Men & Dating Changes Everything! 06 05 19
My last two blog articles were about what we think and what we believe as powerful forces affecting us in love, dating and marriage. If you missed one or both in this series, you’ll want to go back and read them to catch up. Today is about the power of the words we say, especially to ourselves to change everything.
Self-talk usually comes from our inner critic and unless we decide to act to shift the balance from negative to positive most of us will remain stuck in this endless loop. Maybe we learned to be so self-critical from one or both of our parents. That’s the not so great news. The good news is that we’re adults now and we can decide to change what no longer serves us in our growth and development as humans.
No need for judgement here – we all do it or have done it. We say things to ourselves we wouldn’t say to anyone else, especially when it comes to me and dating. You know this is true, yet you might feel powerless to change. Negative self-talk is just a habit and we all know habits can be changed.
Women tend to be more self-critical than men so let’s talk about how to shift whatever you might be saying to yourself.
As with thoughts and beliefs, start by becoming aware of what you tell yourself. It’s common for my clients to say things like, I’m not worthy of love, I’m not pretty enough or clever enough, I don’t think anyone would be interested in getting to know me, I’ll just mess up a good relationship, and on and on.
These are unhelpful things to say. They are not true. It is possible to change these words to support and love yourself. If we cannot deeply and completely love ourselves, we block the very love we are seeking from another.
Decide to act and begin by stopping every time you say something unkind to yourself. Stop. Pivot (say the opposite). Breathe and move on. Practice. Practice. Practice. This isn’t brain surgery, but not always easy either. Take it one thought, one belief and one critical self-talk at a time. It’s like the question, “How do you eat an elephant?” Answer: “One bite at a time.” OK, that was a gross example, but you get the point.
Like I said before, if we want to be good at something, we must practice doing it. There’s no right way or wrong way, but you must begin. (By the way you don’t have to believe your new positive words, just don’t dis-believe them for now.)
Tip: Your date/new love will be turned off by negativity and self-put downs. Just the opposite – self-confidence and self-love are attractive.
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Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach