My Number One Dating Rule
During a recent speaking engagement, I was asked this question: “How do I know when to start following up with a date – when do I call him or send him a text?” I love this question and I always wince at the same time.
This question tells me how much confusion there is for women in dating. I’m sure it’s confusing for men too and I feel for them as well.However, this question told me there’s a need to know more about how men are wired when it comes to dating. I told her if she wants a second date, she needs to know my number one dating rule.
While I don’t have a ton of dating rules, I do have a few that when followed makes dating more interesting and increases the chances you’ll be asked out again. First remember: there has to be a connection on some level for each person on the first date. Just because you had a great time, enjoyed the conversation and want it to continue doesn’t mean your date felt the same way.
Love relationships are about partnership. Modern marriage requires both parties to be fully interested and committed. So, if you break my number one dating rule, you may get another date or many, but you won’t know how he really feels until much later which could be heartbreaking for you.
My Number One dating rule: Do not chase a man… ever
I’m not going to explain this scientifically or give you any technical jargon because I’m not scientist, psychologist or medical practitioner of any kind.My love relationship advice is practical based on my experience, interviewing women from across the country and years of study and practice.
What I’ve learned about men is that they want to be in the role of pursuing and convincing you. They like the challenge of winning you over - they're simply "hard wired” that way. Men are socialized to work for what they want and value.
If you think there was a connection for both of you on the first date and you’d like to have a second date then here’s the good news and the “interesting” news: If he wants to see you again he’ll follow-up with you.If he isn’t, he won’t.Yes, it’s that simple. Don’t chase him.
What that means is: don’t text him, don’t call him, and don’t contact him to say anything. If you enjoyed your first date, then I’m sure you let him know what a nice time you had during the date and when you parted company.
Calling him the next day to say how much you enjoyed your date is chasing him.
Sending a text to let him know you’d like to see him again is chasing him.
Suggesting any future contact is chasing him.
I know we live in an era of social media and gender equality or at least we like to think and behave as if there is gender equality. I support that one hundred percent.My number one dating rule has NOTHING to do with gender equality.It’s about recognizing the differences between men and women.
Until Next Time Remember: If you are interested in him, let him pursue you. There’s plenty of time for reciprocity in texting and calling once you are in a committed love relationship.
P.S. I’m holding over my offer for a complimentary 30-minute session with me for a book review. Don’t wait. Order yours today!
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