Set Higher Standards or Spin Your Wheels?

Photo by  Aro Ha

Photo by Aro Ha


Brynn, not her real name, confided she was tired of receiving lame offers from men. One asked if she wanted to hang out. Another suggested he come over to study with her. Yet another called Friday afternoon to inquire if she had plans that night.

And the most ridiculous – I’m in town, do you want to come over to my hotel room? Out of curiosity she asked, what do you have in mind? After some hesitation he said, maybe dining in?

What is going on she asked? Brynn was exasperated with these men or should we call them boys or man babies? How did she handle these situations: what she did right and what she can do better next time?

Want to hang out with me? Context: She had never met this man. No, a mature, healthy woman does not agree to hang-out with someone she’s never met. This ploy is not coming from a real man who is interested in getting to know her. She recognized that and responded accordingly.

Then the whining began - childish push-back about needing to buy her dinner first to get time with her. Really? Who wants to date a man-baby like this? Enlightened men or as I call them E-men do not behave like this. Why would any woman want to just hang-out with someone they’ve never met?

Can I come over to your house and study with you? Again, this man is someone she’d never met. Contact had been on only on social media. He actually suggested she text him her address. Savvy Brynn said no to this absurd request. This was just another man-baby looking to crash on a strangers couch.

Want to come over to my hotel room to dine in? Once again, no thank you to this request. What bright sane woman would go to a stranger’s hotel room for a slimy invitation to dine in? We all know what this request was about. We both wondered if this line had actually worked for this guy in the past. Sadly the answer might be yes.

Do you have plans for tonight? Of course you do. What lovely single woman wouldn’t have plans on a Friday night? This stranger clearly thought he could snag a last minute date because he’s gotten away with this in the past with other women.

Single women always have a plan even if that plan is to stay home, take a bubble bath and eat ice cream while watching a movie alone. This man is lacking creativity, lazy and probably a real bore. So, no thank you once again.

So what’s going on here? These boys have been trained by the women in their lives who have let them get away with this lame behavior or they are just trying to get something for nothing.

Fabulous single women, don’t fall for this stuff. Set your standards higher and stick to them. A real man will ask you for a date days in advance and it will be a proper invitation to a public place where you can get to know each other. Don’t you deserve a man who puts a little effort into planning a date with you?

If you want to attract an E-man then don’t even consider anything less. Going out with boys like these takes your time and energy away from the real man you want to attract.

Set standards so you don’t find yourself spinning your wheels or getting stuck on the never-ending dating treadmill. If you need to know what your next move is to point your dating life in the right direction, contact me and we can schedule a complimentary consultation.

Your biggest fan,


Denver Love Coach

Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four-Step Process) shows women how to go from frustrated and disappointed to attracting an authentic love match with confidence and clarity.

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