Hanging out with Mr. No Commitment?
Hanging out with Mr. No Commitment has consequences. If you’ve watched any of this season’s Marriage Bootcamp television series you’ve been able to witness one couple in this quandary. She’s been dating this man for 10 years and still no engagement. Why?
If you are giving your precious time, love and energy to a love relationship going nowhere please ask yourself why and be honest about your answer. You’re not alone. I see these couples everywhere from everyday life to reality television shows.
Recently while watching a house hunting television show on HGTV, a young newly married couple was in the midst of discussing a house selection when the wife called out her husband for failing to make a decision. She said, “hello Mr. Nine Years, it’s time to make a choice,” as she held up her hand and pointed to her diamond ring. If you are in this situation or think you might be someday read this article.
Here are a few things you need to know:
He needs to know you want marriage and will not hang around forever waiting on him to be ready. This conversation ideally would have taken place when the two of you decided to be in an exclusive monogamous relationship. Enough time may have passed that he has gotten comfortable and conveniently forgotten that you expressed this desire.
If you didn’t let him know, it’s not too late. Your options are still open, if you find the courage to be honest in a calm and respectful way. It’s okay to admit that you were smitten by the early stages of the relationship and may not have been clear that you wanted to be married (not necessarily to him) to the love of your life and perhaps have a family.
You can say how you feel and you’d like to know where his head and heart are now. No demands - just a heartfelt conversation to determine if you are both on the same page. It’s better to know now before the years slip away and you wake-up one day to find out you’ve been delusional about his intentions all along. Are you willing to wait nine years? I hope not.
He needs to know you have other options. If you are truly taking care of yourself which I hope you know by now is your first priority, then you will have upped your attraction factor in all areas.
You may have eyes only for him right now, but I hope you’ll take time to realize there are many good men out there who are mature enough to know how to treat a fabulous woman like you and who will not waste your time when they fall deeply in love with you.
A mature enlightened man will recognize their love match and be ready to commit. Of course, not every man who wants to marry you is the right one for you. It’s your choice – it’s always your choice. Let your head inform your heart and be ready to clarify your desires.
You need to stop doing everything for him. You’re not his mother. And if you ever want to be one you’ll need to expect a genuine partnership to manage your life together. He’s a grown man or is he? If not, waiting for him to grow up may never get the results you’re after.
When a woman takes care of the love relationship from every angle: making all the plans, handling most of the daily life tasks and in general acts like the director of every detail while he just goes along for the ride, he assumes he deserves all this effort.
When a man receives he believes he’s done something to earn these gifts.
Hold him to a higher standard and see if he steps up to partnership. The woman sets the overall tone of the relationship which includes the standards by which they live together. Does he think its fine to live together because that’s what you’re doing or have you been clear that you want marriage?
Ask yourself tough questions: Why would you move in with him without a ring and a commitment to your future together? When you do this, he has exclusive benefits with you as long as he wants with no further commitment. His options are still open.
Are you interviewing for a role you may never get? How much of your life are you willing to give away in hopes he’ll wake up and propose? I know this may be painful, but know you are worth the best life partner and you don’t have to settle for hanging around while he gets his act together enough to propose.
Truth: He’s more likely to wake-up and propose when he realizes he might lose you - love of his life. This does not take nine years to figure out.
Until next time remember: Prioritize your own life, pursue activities without him and you may be surprised at his renewed intertest in committment.
Your biggest fan,
Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four-Step Process) shows women how to go from frustrated and disappointed to attracting an authentic love match with confidence and clarity. Connect and get her free Ten Secrets to Navigating Online Dating (and staying safe). Subscribe today at GaylaWick.com.