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Aug
08

Ten Things People in LOVE Don’t Do {VIDEO}
Author: Gayla Wick

Romantic love is magical - an almost indescribably delicious feeling, yet much, much more! Love is a behavior. It’s the power behind, in front of and all around the relationship. Love is what creates that deepest, most intimate place of refuge. 

If you’re questioning your own feelings or wonder what’s really going on then consider the following ten relationship dynamics. Is the relationship a convenient attraction, pure lust or genuine love? Here’s a quick check-in you to help you decide.

You can read the rest of this article, watch the short music video or both. Hope you enjoy!

 

 

People truly in love will NOT:

1) Put themselves in compromising situations

It’s not uncommon for men and women who work together to be in social situations after hours or while travelling for business. Putting yourself in a one-on-one late night situation with an attractive co-worker that may cross boundaries through the cloudy lens of alcohol is unwise. Good intentions are subject to serious compromise under the influence of alcohol. If you’re truly in love, commitment to your relationship must take priority over questionable and possibly tempting social interactions. Be smart - don’t put yourself in that position!

2) Keep secrets from each other

I’m not talking about keeping birthday surprises and other special occasion secrets. Surprises can be good – secrets are not. Keeping important information from your spouse or mate is dangerous behavior that can only lead to a breakdown of trust when discovered. When you’re in love you must trust each other with the good news and the bad news about anything that could affect your perception of one another. No, you don’t need to disclose every detail of a previous relationship, but hiding its existence isn’t wise.

3) Share personal secrets

Your spouse or boyfriend is in an intimate relationship with you because he feels safe with you. When an intimate partner shares their deepest thoughts, feelings and secrets with you they trust you to keep them to yourself. If you are tempted to divulge their personal, private information then ask yourself what’s really going on. If you truly love them, this will NEVER happen. This should be the case post break-up as well. People with integrity don’t share personal secrets.

4) Disrespect each other

Yes, everyone gets cranky from time to time and we all slip up and take it out on the people we love. However, treating your mate with disrespect is always unacceptable. Shouting, cursing and putting them down is a sure sign of emotional immaturity and an indicator that you don’t love and respect them. Love and respect are inseparable in an intimate relationship.

5) Neglect one another or the relationship

Neglecting your mate is a big clue that love is either non-existent or rapidly fading. The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. If you no longer care what your mate thinks, feels or needs - your love relationship is in trouble. It’s time to re-evaluate your true feelings. Maybe your relationship is in a temporary slump that can be revived with careful attention or perhaps not. Sustainable love requires care and nurturing.

6) Deny requests for attention or affection

In a recent poolside chat with a woman I’d just met - she shared her experience of being denied affection from her husband, now her ex-husband. When she said she just needed a hug, he shrugged and said he was too busy, and promptly left for the gym. When your spouse can’t spare a few seconds for a hug – this is a big time clue. If a person can walk away from a request for attention or affection that takes less than a minute or two it’s time to question the commitment. What’s the real issue?

7) Disrespect family

Is there a family member that drives you crazy? Loving our mate’s family isn’t always easy and sometimes it challenges us in unexpected ways. I know this one from personal, painful experience. You signed up to love him, not his less than charming family, right? Yes, loving them can be a stretch, but disrespecting them is NOT acceptable. He loves them so it’s time to put on your big girl panties, smile and treat them with respect. Remember, doing otherwise hurts him too.

8) Refuse to talk about important issues

Shutting down instead of talking about issues is a good recipe for relationship failure. If you truly love him, find the courage to talk about the issues. In my experience, lack of conflict resolution skills is a top reason couples separate. It may sound cliché, but the truth is that good communication skills are non-negotiable for couples truly in love. As Susan Elliott says in Psychology Today, “Healthy relationships are about forthright and honest communication.” If you love him, you’ll be willing to talk through what’s important even when it’s potentially difficult. Take a deep breath and just do it!

9) Let one person do all the work (giving)

I frequently use the word partnership when referring to relationships and marriage. If one person is doing all the work to support a couple’s daily life together – it isn’t a partnership. Modern marriage is about true partnership – a mutual sharing of life’s responsibilities, not just the fun times.

10) Set up win/lose situations

Winning and losing are terms best kept to games and sporting activities. Couples are in a partnership – a team event in which your team is always wins. Keeping score sets up unnecessary competition between partners that most often leads to resentment. He’s on your team and you’re on his, so be sure to cheer each other on. Be each other’s biggest fans.

 

Gayla Wick, The Denver Love Coach and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four-Step Process) gives women the tools to move from frustrated and disappointed to dating with confidence and clarity. Connect with her and get her free Top Ten Reasons Women are Still Single at GaylaWick.com.

 


 

 

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