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Oct
15

Love Notes: Are You Wasting Your Time?
Author: Gayla Wick
Love Notes: Are You Wasting Your Time?

Popular advice for women interested in actor and philanthropist, George Clooney was something along the lines of, “you’re wasting your time if you have a proposal, ring and marriage in mind.”  Clooney appeared to be a confirmed serial dater following a short marriage to actress, Talia Balsam (1989 to 1993). His new wife, Amal Alamuddin put a quick end to those predictions. News reports indicate they began dating sometime in 2013, were engaged in April 2014 and married in Venice, Italy on September 27th this year.  What happened?  How did Clooney go so quickly from decades of dating to eagerly marrying? Here are a few clues to consider if you are unsure of just what’s going on with your love relationship.  Of course, if you’re not interested in marriage then you won’t mind the long term status of girlfriend.

Clue number one: You’re not invited to family events and/or he introduces you as his friend. IfGayla Wick|Denver Love Coach|Author|Speaker you’ve been dating exclusively for a while and he doesn’t claim you as his girlfriend, believe him.  He’s telling you the truth.  You may not want to believe it, but for your sake, I hope you take it to heart that he is labeling your relationship as he sees it. Thinking this will change is pure fantasy.  Walk away before you waste any more time.  If a mature man is romantically interested in a woman he doesn’t leave it up to chance for long that she will remain available. No guessing games are necessary. And you do not want to play the role of convincer.  Men do not respond to arguments that you are perfect for each other because of your evidence.  Attraction is a matter of the heart, not a court case. By the way, Clooney said repeatedly he had no plans to marry when asked by interviewers.

Clue number two:  You haven’t been honest about what you want. You’ve been too involved with pleasing him, wondering what makes him happy.  What about your happiness? Advice from the Denver Love Coach: Put your own happiness first, it’s contagious and will enhance your attractiveness.  He won’t respond the way you hope he will when you do everything in the relationship.  Don’t act like his mother, if you want his passion to remain.  Hold him to the high standard which you’ve set for yourself and anyone with whom you decide to share your life. This doesn’t mean, play hard to get, it means be discerning about the company you keep. Reportedly, Clooney asked Alamuddin out three times before she said yes.  This suggests she wasn’t swooning over the handsome actor like so many others probably did. Lesson: let him do the convincing. Most men love a bit of a challenge.

Gayla Wick|Denver Love Coach|Author|SpeakerClue number three:  You keep ignoring your gut. You know those uneasy feelings you get in your stomach and have to talk yourself out of by any means possible. Being honest with yourself about the question – how do I feel when I’m with him, is a big clue.  Is your answer honest or rooted in the fantasy relationship you’ve built? Are you describing how you want to feel when you’re with him or how you actually feel? When a relationship match isn’t right for each person, it isn’t going to work out long term.  We’ve all been attracted to someone who didn’t return our feelings.  It hurts, but the sooner you let it go, the faster you can attract the love you desire. Hanging out with him just to be part of a couple can block the love match you’ve been seeking. Honesty with yourself is your first priority followed by the courage to let him go when he isn’t returning your love. He’s not the one for you.

So what happened to reverse his stance on marriage?  He found a “substantially compatible” partner: reportedly beautiful inside and out, an intellectual equal – she’s a human right’s lawyer, activist and author and I’m guessing they share high levels of emotional and spiritual intimacy as well.

Until next time remember: “Marriage is for two people equally in love who can’t imagine living without one another.”

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