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Apr
23

Why Moving in Too Soon is a Bad Plan
Author: Gayla Wick
Why Moving in Too Soon is a Bad Plan

At a recent business dinner I heard a story, and knew right away I wanted to share it with my readers.  While I’d like to believe this story is unusual, I think it’s more common than any of us would like to think.  I’ve heard many versions of this tale of true love and the end is usually the same.  Who knows what will happen with this couple long term?  We don’t know, but the odds of a sustainable happy union aren’t good. Why?  Going from first date to living together, having joint checking accounts and one party selling their home all by the end of week two isn’t a plan for a blissful future and by the way children were involved in this story. You may think this sounds outrageous and uncommon, but is it?  Read on to find out more and identify the red flags.

They decided to go to a movie for the first date. This could be okay depending upon the movie choice and the conversation before or after the movie.  The purpose of dating is to get to know one another so as long as there is time for meaningful conversation, the first date can be centered on an activity.  The big red flag in this scenario came the next day when she offered to cook him dinner.  This is a tactic I don’t recommend.  Single women, let him court you.  If theGayla Wick|Love Coach|Author|Speaker first date enhanced his interest he’ll pursue you. Letting him lead the pace of the relationship in the beginning gives you vital information: whether he’s still interested or not and what he’s willing to do to be in your company.  Good to know sooner rather than later. Offering to cook dinner on the second day is asking him out. What man is going to say no to dinner and the possibility of an intimate encounter? My advice: save cooking dinner until you’ve been dating awhile longer and it feels like the right time to reciprocate.

Moving in with someone after dating for only two weeks is a recipe for disaster.  Regardless of how many conversations have taken place you really don’t know him yet.  Men and women are on their best behavior early in the relationship.  What do you know about his friends, family, habits, hobbies, financial circumstances or how he behaves under stress?  These are just a few things you’ll want to see and experience before you move in. If you are thinking of moving in together, ask yourself why. Do you have the commitment, the engagement ring and a plan to get married?  If not, why would you give him exclusive round the clock access to you? He needs to know you have other options and are willing to date others until you have everything you desire.  A woman who moves in this early and agrees to co-mingling funds is reeking of desperation.  Desperation is unattractive in any situation.

Selling a primary residence or leaving a rental after only knowing someone for two weeks is not a romantic move – it’s sad and a little pathetic. Yes, I do believe that mature, enlightened couples can fall for each other very quickly, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need time to date and really get to know each other on all levels.  The old saying, “Actions speak louder than Gayla Wick|Love Coach|Author|Speakerwords” is true. Rushing into a relationship at this pace is especially concerning if children are involved.  This couple seems to be operating on intense emotion in the absence of any common sense.  I don’t know what will happen to this relationship, and I hope it works out for them, but my experience says this is a train wreck about to happen. While whirlwind romances can be intoxicating, please take the time to know your potential mate well before making such life altering decisions. P.S. You might think he's a keeper, but when you look inside he's not at all what you thought he was.

Until Next Time Remember: “Love yourself enough to take time choosing your future mate.”

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