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Nov
09

The Perfect Love Starts Within You
Author: Gayla Wick
The Perfect Love Starts Within You

Last week we all witnessed a marriage train wreck played out spectacularly in the news media. I’m talking about the 72 day marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Before you stop reading right now, no I’m not planning to dissect the relationship of two public figures that I don’t know. I do however think this spectacle is fodder for water cooler gossip and it has probably been disheartening to many. While it’s not hard to speculate about what may have happened, I’d like to discuss a few points this situation brought to my mind.

Having “substantial compatibility” between partners is a foundational building block for a marriage to enjoy longevity. Relationships that flame out quickly are frequently doomed from the beginning because of a lack of compatibility which creates the first relationship fractures. If one partner wants a somewhat settled life with family as the priority and the other desires the high life with career as the top priority, domestic harmony is not likely to prevail.

Was Kim in love with the idea of marriage, the fantasy wedding and as she put it “all the hoopla?” This is sad for everyone involved and especially indicative of what may have occurred. My own experience showed me clearly that unless we authentically love ourselves first which means caring for and valuing our lives we may not recognize the presence of an incompatible love. When we don’t know who we are at our core we can easily attract someone who doesn’t know themselves either, setting up a dynamic of false expectations for both.

How does this relate to having a lasting true love relationship? If you don’t feel loveable there is no one in the world that can fix that for you, other than yourself. Seeking another to complete you in any way can lead to a relationship implosion. It’s too much to expect of any other person because it’s not actually possible to accomplish anyway. The women I’ve interviewed agree there’s no substitute for an authentic love relationship, and that type of relationship blossoms beautifully when we relax, love ourselves and know it’s about connection on all levels, not the external trappings.

Until next time remember: You can decide to embrace your own happiness as a powerful precursor to the bliss of a genuine partnership.

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