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May
30

​Are You GOOD For Each Other? {Video}
Author: Gayla Wick

Opposites attract is something we’ve all heard, but may not have thought much about. This saying seems reasonable enough when we think of the yin and yang of male and female energy, but what does it really mean for relationship sustainability? In my experience with coaching women the issue usually results when someone uses this adage to justify staying with a partner that doesn’t share enough common traits, views and beliefs to support a truly harmonious relationship.


One example that often shows up early in a relationship is financial management style. In a recent Live Science article,  researcher Scott Rick and his colleagues decided to survey 1000 married and unmarried adults about their spending habits. Their discovery – people often choose their spending opposites as romantic partners. How does this work out? This study found that financial opposites had greater conflicts over money and lower marital satisfaction long-term.


 

Relationship wisdom or recipe for conflict? 

In my experience this generally accepted wisdom is love relationship trouble. The more opposing traits a couple has the higher likelihood there is for conflict. In Chapter Fourteen of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love, I explain why too many opposite traits, beliefs and habits usually become a serious barrier to long-term harmony and compatibility for a couple. Finding a mutually satisfying balance between similar and opposing views, habits and desires is essential and looks different for every couple. 

What’s important for your happiness and relationship satisfaction?

How a couple decides to spend their time, money, energy and anything else they value is what creates a fun, supportive and sustainable relationship or becomes the fuel for routine conflict. He may hate sushi and you may love it with no real harm to the relationship, but if he wants to spend every vacation camping and hiking and you’d like to relax in a comfortable hotel on the beach, trouble isn’t far away. I know this one from personal painful experience. Of course there is always more than one issue in any couple’s conflict dynamic, but ask yourself just how many opposites are you really willing to live with? The number will not be the same for every couple, but you’ll need to decide when the conflict outweighs the pleasure. To help with this decision, I’ve put together the following three questions:

Can I see myself living with this behavior long-term?

Yes, he may be willing to give up negative behaviors like smoking, but remember it’s not possible to change another person. You can influence them, but real change only happens if they want it for themselves. Untreated additions and abusive behaviors are just two of the deal breakers I hope are on your list of unacceptable and unlikely to change behaviors.

Does this behavior happen daily or occasionally?

He is on his best behavior when you’re dating because he is pursuing you. Please don’t think he’s going to change something overnight or perhaps ever when you get married. If his opposing behavior is a daily occurrence how are you going to feel about it and him long-term? For example: If one of your daily pleasures is physical affection and he wants touch only when it involves sex, resentment is likely.

Does this behavior affect any of my core values?

Going back to the example of spending habits, if you value financial security, like to plan and save and he lives only in the moment spending freely on whatever he desires, how will this play out for your future happiness and security? You probably know money, sex and children are the top three reasons couples part ways. Yes, opposites may attract, but happy long-term love relationships are sustained by a balance shifted to the side of compatibility.

You can read more about the concept of “substantial compatibility” in my book, The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four Step Process). You’re invited to connect with me at GaylaWick.com.

 

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Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four-Step Process) shows women how to go from frustrated and disappointed to attracting an authentic love match with confidence and clarity. Connect with her and get her free Top Ten Reasons Women are Still Single at GaylaWick.com.

 

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