Gayla Wick - Blog

Who Said What About Love - Part 6

Wed, 23 May 2012 14:41:00 GMT

Every now and then I hear a person speak or read a book that awakens me from whatever slumber I’ve been indulging in. Most of us, if we are really honest know we often sleep walk through parts of our lives. It’s what gets us through the myriad of chaotic situations we’re either a part of or witnessing. Being distracted makes everything seem easier, but is it really? I relish the opportunity to learn new things – new things that make me think about my positions and ideas, those imprints from childhood and young adulthood that may no longer be adequate to the truth of my life now. Sometimes it’s jolting to suddenly become aware of a larger more universal truth that has the possibility of expanding our awareness in a good way. That’s how I feel about the work of Marianne Williamson.

Marianne Williamson, born in 1952, is one of the most brilliant and inspirational new thought leaders on our planet. She is an author, lecturer, speaker and the Founder and President of the Board of directors of the Los Angeles and Manhattan Centers for Living, non-profit organizations which provide free non-medical support services to people living with life-challenging illnesses and grief. I had the privilege of seeing and hearing her speak last year and felt truly transformed by her wisdom and deep commitment to making a difference. I loved the following quote from her book, A Return to Love:

“I spent years waiting for a man to make me ‘feel like a real woman.’ Only when I realized that my feminine energy was not a man’s gift to me, but rather my gift to myself and to him, did the men around me start to demonstrate the more masculine energy I craved.”

Wow! What does this quote mean for you? I loved it because in my work as a love coach, I so often find women feeling such lack in their feminine energy from the absence of a romantic partner. We work on this early in the coaching process, but it’s not easy for women to re-frame this limiting belief. But once they do – it’s magic the way their lives begin to open up and sparkle. This sparkle or zest for life is enormously attractive to mature, decent men – the kind you want to give your heart to. Men who want to label you, make demands of you and treat you like one of the guys aren’t usually attractive to most women. We have friends; we’re seeking more from our man. We want to feel safe, loved, adored, respected and listened to.

Modern women want a deep and abiding partnership with a real man who knows the value of our femininity as he knows the value of his own masculine/feminine balance. We may make the bacon and fry it up in the pan, but that doesn’t mean we have to be in our masculine energy without the feminine energy balance. I plan to talk more about this in a future post, but for now I encourage you to think about what this means for you and your relationships.

Until next time remember: Embrace the amazing gifts your feminine energy brings to the table of life and decide what that means for you.

I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or question below.

Who Said What About Love – Part 5 Plus

Tue, 15 May 2012 14:51:00 GMT

Sometimes I think continuing to talk about love is insane. The world seems so insistent upon bickering, hatred, judgment and divisiveness. This need to make others wrong so we can be right has taken possession of the common sense I used to think most adults had in ample supply. While the nightly news, the arrogance of Congress and the almost unbelievable shenanigans of the banking industry can make love seem trite, I know it isn’t. This series on love has reinforced my belief that the most enlightened and happiest people among us still believe in love – the kind of love that fills our souls with joy and relaxes us enough to grasp our true potential in the world. This week’s research has led me to Dr. Deepak Chopra, one of the leading new thought leaders and inspirational speakers and authors of our day. Here’s a little more about him:

Excerpt from Wikipedia: Deepak Chopra (born October 22, 1946) is an Indian medical doctor, public speaker, and writer on subjects such as spirituality, Ayurveda and mind-body medicine. Chopra began his career as an endocrinologist and later shifted his focus to alternative medicine. Chopra now runs his own medical center, with a focus on mind-body connections. He is also a lecturer at the Update in Internal Medicine event, sponsored by Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education and the Department of Medicine. Here’s what he has to say about love:

“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe.”

Since beginning this blog on love almost eleven months ago, I’ve frequently written about the wisdom of loving yourself as a pre-requisite for finding the love of your life. Dr. Chopra’s view that we become the most attractive when we love ourselves falls into the category of secrets because most of us never heard this in our youth and even now when so many others are affirming the truth of this statement some of us still dare not reach out and grab it, test it, and breath into it. If this idea seems selfish or untrue in any way for you, I suggest you think about it only briefly, then just walk off the cliff so to speak and give it a test drive. Don’t think too much about it, just do it and see what magic happens.

When we genuinely love ourselves, not in an arrogant way, but with a deep regard for our body, mind and spirit we attract other like-minded people. Self love calls us to set healthy relationship boundaries and to become aware of love when encountered on life’s journey. Can you look in the mirror and say out loud your name, and the words, I love you. Try it; you might be surprised at your response. Until next time remember: Loving yourself isn’t selfish, it’s the only sane way to be in the world and it’s the recipe for attracting more love.

P.S. My new subscribers are receiving a free gift when they sign up for my weekly blog so I wanted to give you a copy too. To download your PDF, my Top Ten Reasons Women Are Still Single, click on this link: http://www.gaylawick.com/top-reasons-women-are-still-single

I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or question below.

Who Said What About Love – Part 4

Wed, 09 May 2012 13:54:00 GMT

In searching for love quotes I’ve encountered several I really like although they’re from lesser known sources. I decided to share this one today from someone you may not be familiar with, but I found worthy of quoting. You may be inspired as I am to read one of his books. The words I’ve chosen to present in today’s post feel true in ways that penetrate through layers of fluff and abstract ideas about love. I hope you too sense the universal truth in these words and consider how they might be an inspiration for your love choices.

Paulo Coelho (born August 24, 1947) is a Brazilian lyricist and novelist born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. He spent much of his career as a songwriter, but left that behind in favor of penning two books. He is best known as the author of The Alchemist – a book recommended to me several times. I must put it on my reading list soon. I hope you enjoy the following quotes:

“Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with.” And “When we love we always strive to become better than we are.”

Humans are not wired to live life alone in isolation from others. While there may be exceptions to this, I believe it to be almost universally true. Sometimes people become discouraged after many failed attempts to find a loving and compatible life partner. Some even feel it’s better to be alone than suffer through the struggle. And on this point I agree. What you say? How can I agree with that sentiment after what I just said about people needing other people? Let me explain. I do believe it’s better to be alone than to be connected to the wrong person. Anyone married or in a long term relationship with the wrong partner will readily agree. But when the love of our life walks in we sense it to our very core. We are awakened in ways that defy description. This love connection goes straight to the soul level and yes we automatically step into our best selves.

I’ve seen this in action hundreds of times as I continue to talk to singles and couples about love. Most often it’s the man who finally steps up to become the person he knows is required to sustain the love relationship he’s found that awakens his emotional self. At the deepest level he knows this woman and this relationship is worth all of his best behavior. Women, you hold the key to ensuring this highest and best behavior continues as the relationship moves through all of its stages. Accept nothing less. Sustainable relationships require both partners to operate at this level.

Until next time remember: Your special love connection is there for you. Open the channel by loving yourself deeply and completely.

I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or question below.

Who Said What About Love - Part 3

Tue, 01 May 2012 21:34:00 GMT

Moving on from the two famous musicians, Bob Marley and John Lennon quoted in Parts 1 and 2 of this series; I found an interesting quote for you today from the playwright, Oscar Wilde. While he may have lived in an era long gone, I thought his quote was well stated, to the point and as applicable today as it was in his time. The longevity of his plays, some of which you may have seen, are a testament to his wisdom as well as his creativity. While much has changed since he was writing, what was true of love then is true about love now and always will be.

An excerpt from Wikipedia: Oscar Wilde (16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900) was an Irish playwright, poet and author of numerous short stories and one novel. Known for his biting wit, he became one of the most successful playwrights of the late Victorian era in London, and one of the greatest celebrities of his day. Several of his plays continue to be widely performed, especially The Importance of Being Earnest. Here’s what he had to say about love:

“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

This quote is a reminder that outside beauty, material possessions and fabulous wardrobes aren’t the stuff of long lasting true love. Think about the gorgeous women and men who’ve had their hearts broken by betrayals in love relationships. Taking care of ourselves physically ranks high on my list of important endeavors, but it is not the key to unlocking anyone’s heart. True beauty is first an inside job that includes recognizing the qualities you seek in a mate in yourself. It’s wonderful to look great, but feeling great is even better. Watching modern television shows can give us all a skewed view of what it takes to have and sustain a loving relationship. The rich and famous don’t have deeply satisfying love relationships that stand the test of time because they’re rich and famous. In fact, it’s often quite the opposite.

Oscar’s quote may appeal to those of us who have an auditory learning preference, but I hope everyone can feel, see, hear, or connect with the truth of what he was saying. When two people are perfectly matched, they know at the deepest level they are right for each other. It really is as if they each are singing a song only the other can hear. His metaphor for love is once again beautifully said, so true and paints a picture that brings a smile to my face. This “magnetic” connection with another defies definition, but ignites the imagination and creativity of so many poets, musicians, playwrights and millions of ordinary people in love. If you are not in love now, know that your love connection exists and can be realized.

Until next time remember: Opening your mind and heart to the possibility of love creates the channel for you to hear your particular “lovebird”.

I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or question below.

Who Said What About Love – Part 2

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:36:00 GMT

Last week I started a new series on what other people have said about love with a purpose of educating and inspiring you. As the writer of this blog post and the researcher of these love quotes, I’ve learned much and deepened my passion for helping others find true love. I hope you’ll enjoy this new series as much as I love writing it for you. As an aside, I’m planning to include a short description of the person I’m quoting even though most of us already know who they are. One of my pet peeves is reading quotes from people I’ve never heard of or I’ve forgotten exactly who they are. It’s nice to know whose being quoted so I can think about their perspective and decide if it aligns with my beliefs or if I need to consider changing or updating my viewpoint.

This week’s quote is from a very famous musician, John Lennon. The following is an excerpt from Wikipedia: John Winston Ono Lennon, (9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980) was an English rock musician, singer, songwriter, and peace activist who gained worldwide fame as one of the founding members of The Beatles. With Paul McCartney, Lennon formed one of the most influential and successful songwriting partnerships of the 20th century and “wrote some of the most popular music in rock and roll history”. He is ranked the second most successful songwriter in UK singles chart history after McCartney. Here’s what he had to say about love”

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

I hope this quote resonates with you too as I believe it to be wise and universally true. One of the foundational elements of my work with singles is to remind them of who they are – individuals of great value worthy of deep and abiding love. When love is missing from our lives its absence is rooted in the lack of love for ourselves. Our culture has imprinted us with many false ideas about love. We’re taught to sacrifice ourselves to gain the approval and love of others. We’re taught that love hurts and marriage is hard work. None of these things are reality for people connected in truly intimate partnerships based on a foundation of character. When we love ourselves it’s not hard to establish healthy boundaries or to disallow others to harm us by their unacceptable behavior. We know our value and don’t settle for less than respectful interactions with others, especially in our intimate relationships.

Until next time remember: Loving yourself is more than ok, it’s a non-negotiable foundation for welcoming another loving, whole, complete and healthy person into your life.

I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or question below.

Who Said What About Love – Part I

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:59:00 GMT

Today, I decided it was time for a new series. You’ve been listening to me for the past 39 weeks (that’s how long I’ve been blogging) as I’ve shared my experiences and best advice about love relationships. In my research for inspiration and information I’m often led to interesting ideas from famous people, musicians and new thought leaders. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I’m going to begin writing about wisdom from others to inspire and motivate you in the direction of claiming your highest good in love and in life, but especially in love because deeply satisfying love relationships are the very foundation of a truly and uniquely happy life.

Bob Marley is not exactly the first person I had in mind to begin this series, but after finding this quote, it was so right on point I had to use it now. Bob Marley, a Jamaican singer-songwriter and musician (1945 – 1981) gave us the following brilliant quote about love relationships, “

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

Beautifully said; there is so much wisdom here. If you’ve read my book or my blog posts for awhile now you know how much I believe there is a perfect partner for each of us. That perfect life partner won’t be a perfect person because no one is perfect. And you’ll also know that I don’t believe in “settling.” Women or men who settle for someone who meets most of their desires, but are seriously lacking in other substantially important values or characteristics are in for an unbalanced relationship likely to crumble.

Modern women, and by that I mean every woman who’s on the planet right now who is in or open to a true love relationship, must develop relationship skills. One such skill or attribute is to know when a man trusts you with his heart, you must cherish his gift, protect it and never intentionally cause him emotional harm. Your love relationship is a sacred vessel not to be treated carelessly. What Bob said about not expecting more than he can give or trying to change him is important. Enlightened women know we can’t change other people, especially our man, but with that said we all know a little training may be in order from time to time. (Smile)

Until next time remember: The perfect partner for you is real, open your heart to the possibility, see it first and then believe it is happening for you.

I'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

3 Keys to Manifesting the Love You Desire

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:09:00 GMT

It’s 2012 and we’re in the middle of spring already. If this is your year for finding the love of your life, now is the time to focus on what happily coupled women have done to accelerate their love connection opportunities. While there are more steps involved in the attracting true love process, I’m going to share three of these keys with you today. Taking these steps will put you in the flow of higher level energy where you will easily become a magnet for love. This works for singles as well as couples who’d like to experience a deeper love connection.

*Make a decision. The Universe loves a decision. I’ve read this and I believe it to be a universal truth. My own life has proven this to me many times. The decisions I’m talking about are for all areas of your life. The day I truly understood the power of making a decision was the day I decided to choose happiness instead of living in victim-hood. That was the point of departure from my misery – the moment in time I realized that I could change my life, by changing my mind about my circumstances. Making that decision was the impetus for a plan to embrace a new way of being in the world. The role of victim had become boring, stale and unproductive. So I jettisoned what no longer worked for me in favor of behaving as if I already had the life I desired. This strategy worked extraordinarily well.

*Give it away. Kind, loving, happy, interested, capable, joyful people attract others who have those same characteristics. Those values and behaviors are not diminished in any way by giving them away. The Universal Law of Reciprocity responds to whoever initiates the action. Most of us have heard the axiom, if you want a friend you have to be a friend. So if you are seeking love, put your desire into action by being a loving person in all of your interactions and yes that includes work. Treat crabby people with a genuine smile and be nice to them no matter how they respond. They’ll’ wonder what you’re up to.

*Surrender. Oh, we Americans don’t much like this word. We like to win and watch our opponent do the surrendering. Webster says to surrender is to “yield something to the power of another.” Surrender to the power that created the world, the power that grows the carrot seed into the carrot after we put it in good soil, fertilize it and water it. Whatever you want to call that power is fine, but you know if it works to make a carrot out of a seed, it can work for the seeds you plant in your heart as well. So if you want love, plant seeds of love by being loving and refuse to worry about how it’s going to occur. The women I interviewed for my book said love came to them after they surrendered the search and embraced their own lives. They just let go and relaxed into knowing they were worthy of love themselves. Only then did the love of their life appear.

Until next time remember: Embody the values you are seeking in a partner and surrender any need to know how it’s going to happen.

4 Ways to Turn Men On

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 14:24:00 GMT

In last week’s blog post I talked about 4 Ways to Turn Men Off, so you probably already guessed this week’s title and no I’m not talking about the bedroom. Attracting the attention of an enlightened man worthy of your time and affection is the subject today. I’m only able to cover a few highlights in a blog post, but delving deeper on this topic is a component of my love coaching program for women who are really ready to connect with the man of their dreams. So here are my top four ways to ways to turn men on:

*Exude Confidence. Real men find confident women almost irresistible. Walking like you know where you are going, smiling from the depths of your heart, knowing when to speak and when to listen are all part of the mystique of attractive women. It’s important for us to have a little mystique factor – that sense a man has that he’ll never quite know everything about us. In Sally Hogshead’s book, Fascinate she says, “Mystique is eye-catching enough to get noticed, yet complex enough to stay interesting.”

*Look great and feel even better. The role of appearance is simply a “gate” you can’t get past either for yourself or for a potential partner. If you don’t love the way you look, you won’t have the confidence we just talked about. Take care of yourself internally and externally because you’re worth it; don’t do it to please anyone else. One of the great paradoxes of love is that you must love yourself unconditionally in order to attract someone into your life that will love you the way you want to be loved. I’m not talking about arrogance or total self centeredness, but rather an intensely respectful high regard for the being you are - knowing your own value.

*Have healthy boundaries. We teach others how to treat us. I wish I’d understood this wonderful life wisdom a long time ago. I hope you will take time to think about how this might apply to your relationships whether they are co-workers, bosses, friends, family or love partners. When a woman takes a stand in her relationships by not accepting mistreatment she takes back her power. I’m not saying this is easy; I am saying having boundaries is part of being in a safe, respectful relationship. Most men actually like to know where your boundaries are.

*Decide to be happy. This was the pivotal decision that changed everything for me. Once I realized that my own personal happiness was a choice I could make right where I was, I awoke and began a journey from victimization to whole, healthy and happy one step at a time. I frequently reminded myself of a quote from Buddha, “If someone gives you a gift and you refuse it, to whom does the gift belong?”

Until next time remember: Be confident (fake it until you make it), accept that attraction begins with the visual and care for your appearance, do what it takes to be healthy and above all just decide to be happy.

4 Ways to Turn Men Off

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:06:00 GMT

Finding and sustaining a true love relationship can feel like a walk in the jungle – a trip fraught with obstacles at every turn, some dangerous and others just downright frustrating. It doesn’t have to be that way. Real women in happy committed relationships shared practical advice with me and now I’m delighted to reveal this real world wisdom to you. I’m not a psychologist, therapist, counselor or doctor: I’m a woman living the dream of having a life partner who is an “E-Man” in every way. If you missed my post about enlightened men check it out here: Are You Dating an E-Man? So here are my top four ways to ways to turn men off:

*Act like a crazy person. We have all been emotionally volatile at times (me included). That’s normal and okay. What’s not okay is to believe you have the right to be self-indulgent to the point of acting out your feelings dramatically in front of your man. Men need a certain level of emotional balance in a relationship in order to safely express their own feelings. When women “fly off the handle” about every little thing that’s gone wrong, it’s more than unpleasant. This behavior is actively pushing your man away. I’m not saying we can’t be upset and express that in our relationship, I’m saying get some control first and communicate like a mature adult.

*Be clingy and needy. Spending time together is vital to sustaining a truly intimate relationship, but when we act like we have no life other than with our partner we risk engendering that most unattractive clingy, needy personality he’s likely to be repelled by. Real men don’t need that or want that type of behavior. They want their women to be happy, interesting people with activities to do on their own. Sitting at home brooding while your man is working or playing in activities you don’t share is not only silly, it’s a sure-fire way to cool his fascination with you. You want to be fascinating to your man and by that I mean he’s intensely interested in your life.

*Keep on talking. Women usually like to talk about everything, especially relationships, more than men. This is why we must keep our girlfriends in our lives. Women often think they can convince their man that they are the right one by talking through the reasons they are the perfect match. Men don’t work that way. It isn’t possible to talk him into loving you, committing to you or marrying you. The secret – a man will commit to you only when he truly feels an emotional connection with you.

*Lose interest in your appearance. Most of us are initially attracted to our partners by their physical appearance. Although we move beyond the visual to a deeper connection, it’s not a good idea to forgo attention to how we look. A friend told me he once dated a woman who actually said she couldn’t wait to get married so she wouldn’t have to put so much effort into looking nice. Not surprisingly, he never asked her out again.

Until next time remember: Take care of your physical appearance, learn to constructively manage your emotions, enjoy a life of your own and embrace his need to be the “hunter.”

How to Respond to Men Behaving Badly

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 14:38:00 GMT

We’ve all been there – that moment when our boyfriend or husband does or says something way out of line with our expectations and/or standards. It’s surprising, somewhat shocking and often leaves us so aghast we hardly know what to say. So many women just say nothing hoping the behavior was an apparition or praying it will never occur again. Other women react with great emotional gusto as if this unwanted behavior is the crime of the century. Their response is probably also in the “bad” behavior category making the old biblical wisdom, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” become reality. While neither of these reactions from opposite ends of the spectrum work well, having endless discussions on the same topic rarely works consistently without continued pressure on the offender.

So what does work more effectively and with more consistent results? Knowing how to “call him out” like an adult usually works well as long as you’re dealing with another adult and by that I mean a mature reasonable person. If the person being challenged about their unacceptable behavior is a jerk, then they won’t respond well to much of anything you might try anyway. With that caveat, I’m going to share with you a four step guide for dealing with these situations, but first let’s look at some examples of “bad” behavior.

Common examples may include: Standing you up for a date, consistently being late for dates, calling you names, criticizing you in public, moving beyond your physical boundaries, refusing to listen to you, not calling when he’s going to be out later than expected, moving friends or family members in to a shared residence without prior agreement, snooping in your private business, not making time for you, and the list could go on. However, I do want to clarify this post is about unacceptable behavior, not seriously abusive and dangerous behavior.

The first important step in dealing with unwanted behavior is to address the issue immediately while the incident is fresh in the minds of both parties. You may be thinking easier said than done, and while that may be true, failure to do this creates problems on many different levels. The second step is to be quite calm and in control of your emotions. There is no need to raise your voice, yell or otherwise become verbally abusive or physically menacing. No one hears what you are saying if you act like a crazy person. Step three, when you are calm and cool say something like this, Why did you do (or say) that? Why would you disrespect me that way? The secret - men hate to be asked “why” questions. Step four, once the issue is satisfactorily resolved, it’s important to re-establish balance in the relationship by letting your partner know that you really value your relationship together and count on having mutual respect for each other at all times.

Until next time remember: Be cool, calm and collected when you “call-out” unwanted behavior and watch the changes unfold.

Are You an "E - Woman"?

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 14:13:00 GMT

Sustainable love relationships are built on a foundation of character; those non-negotiable traits and values including authenticity, trust, integrity, compassion, respect and kindness to name a few. Enlightened or “E-Women” know this and they know how vital it is to demonstrate these values themselves before seeking them in others. This is the essential message I intended to convey in the title of my book, The Character of True Intimacy: Finding the Love of Your Life. Character, love and intimacy are inextricably linked.

As with my article last week on “E-Men” I’m sure you have your own ideas on what an “E-Woman “ is, but here is my take on the subject. Hopefully you will enjoy it and pass it along to anyone you think might be interested. There have been many changes for women since the start of the women’s movement fifty plus years ago. Our thoughts, ideas, concerns and standards have evolved dramatically regarding love relationships and marriage. We’re no longer willing to be second class citizens allowing our men to make unilateral decisions about our lives as if they were some sort of dictators, benign or otherwise. We know the value of what we bring to any partnership and we expect our relationship to be just that – a partnership.

“E-women” establish healthy boundaries early in love relationships by calmly challenging unacceptable behavior (I’ll give you tips on how to do this next week); we know men are particularly visual so we make the most of our physical assets and refuse to become obsessed with external beauty requirements. We know there is always someone prettier, thinner and richer so we don’t compete on those levels. We take care of ourselves with no apologies for doing so, finding our natural balance of physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual health. We take care of ourselves financially by making good decisions about our own money and we insist on being involved in all aspects of our lives with our true love. We give and receive compliments with grace and ease, knowing our love relationship is a precious gift to be treasured and nurtured.

We do not act out on our more insane thoughts or impulses and claim we were just hormonal. We know enough to warn our partner before we snap his head off and kick it down the hall. Instead we take a bath and/or have a cup of tea or glass of wine or go somewhere alone to re-group in order to keep things from falling out of our mouths that just won’t go back in no matter how much we want them to. “E-women” aren’t perfect so when we need to say we’re sorry, we do so genuinely and move to restore a healthy place for our men to live, love and share their feelings. We yell only when the house is on fire or to avoid some impending doom from befalling another. We love ourselves more than we love you and know this is what an “E-Man” wants for us as well.

Until next time remember: You are a beautiful, smart, loving, fabulous enlightened woman; believe it, own it and continue working on it – we’re all perfectly imperfect!

Are You Dating an "E-Man"?

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 14:48:00 GMT

I could hardly believe my eyes when I watched Chris Humphries (basketball player and former husband to Kim Kardashian) pick up his wife and toss her onto the bed proclaiming something about her need to obey him since they were now married. Wow – really? Since I don’t actually watch this show, I don’t recall his exact words in this short clip I happened upon while scrolling through the channels, but I can tell you I got the main point loud and clear. His behavior was more like that of a Neanderthal man – not something customary in this century and certainly not the actions of an enlightened man or “E-Man”.

I’m sure you have a sense of what an “E-man” looks like, feels like and acts like, but I’m going to give you my take on it. E-men are willing to develop love partnerships that truly support and benefit each other; they know how to listen and how to engage productively to resolve conflict, they demonstrate their love in ways that satisfy their partners because they’ve taken the time to find out what pleases her, they do their fair share of domestic chores without complaint or hassle; they willingly engage in conversation keeping intellectual and emotional intimacy alive and they always firmly stand up for their relationship protecting it as cherished treasure. I’m sure there’s more, but you get the idea of what I’m talking about.

E-men never use their physical strength to impose their will upon women; they don’t berate, shame, humiliate, or criticize women in public or in private; they don’t withhold emotional connection or physical affection; they don’t over spend indulging their own desires to the detriment of their financial security and future; they don’t play games at the expense of their partner and they don’t engage in risky behavior likely to erode the very foundation of healthy relationships – trust.

Willingness to engage their partner at all levels of a relationship (emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually and financially) is the mark of a truly enlightened man. Life can be complicated and challenging as well as enjoyable and rewarding so real men understand the need for partnership and have long since given up the idea they need to make all of the decisions and handle all of the responsibilities. E-men know they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by creating a healthy partnership with a smart, confident woman. E-men also know they have an important role in protecting their wives and families. Most men have the physical strength to fulfill this role simply because they have bigger stronger muscles. As women we hope we don’t need to have a man intervene to protect us from physical harm, but we are absolutely attracted to men who make us feel safe as well as loved. Next week I’m writing about “E-Women” so stay tuned and remember to leave a comment or question below.

Until next time remember: Take time to fully understand what you are looking for in a love partnership, set healthy boundaries and don’t settle for unacceptable behavior.

Are You Tapping Into Your Romantic Potential?

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:12:00 GMT

Is there a bottle of Prosecco in your refrigerator? If not, why not? Now I don’t literally mean it has to be Prosecco, I just happen to enjoy Italian sparkling wine because it tastes fabulous and doesn’t break the bank as much a good bottle of Champagne. You may have some other drink of choice that transports you instantly into celebration mode. I love the shape of champagne flutes and all things sparkling, including the way sparkling wine bubbles. This week’s post is all about our human desire to celebrate what really matters to us and what we’d like to take time to remember. Since Valentine’s Day has just passed, you may be wondering why I’m still talking about celebrating.

As I wrote last week, Valentine’s Day is a romantic reminder in the middle of winter after the busy end of year holidays. Now that it’s over I encourage you to find another reason for a celebration with your spouse or with your friends. So often we forget to just stop and enjoy an accomplishment whether large or small. Celebration brings the energy of appreciation – a high level energy field which attracts more high energy goodness. Who wouldn’t want more of that? We don’t have to wait for special holidays, birthdays or anniversaries to create a festive time of joy and appreciation.

So what are we going to celebrate? How about the taxes are finished; the home improvement project is complete; exercise goals are met; a difficult family drama or trauma was handled well; savings goals are met; you made a big decision and executed it; or anything you desire. Sometimes we just open the bubbly, sit on the patio with crackers and cheese to appreciate our life together. Okay, I’m sorry for that reference to all of my local readers and to anyone still feeling the chill of winter. The patio suggestion is merely something to look forward to. How about turning on the fireplace and having a celebration of the beauty of winter and the warmth of the fire?

Special unscheduled celebrations with the love of your life open the opportunity to re-connect on many levels and to relax into the present moment. Unexpected flowers, cards, notes, phone calls to say you’re special, sweet text messages, unplanned date nights, cooking an elegant meal on a week night all count as romantic gestures to keep the wow factor going. I hope you are not telling yourself you’re not romantic. If you feel that way about yourself or your spouse you might want to think about making some changes. Romance is a key ingredient in intimate relationships. Singles – you can add “romantic partner” to your list of desires and cultivate your own romantic side by remembering to celebrate your own accomplishments. If you’re dating don’t let each other off the hook – set a new standard for celebrations in your relationship.

Until next time remember: It’s your love life – don’t settle, design it, implement it, love it and live it!

Any Day Can be an “I Love You” Day!

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:04:00 GMT

Here I am lying on the floor in my pajamas. I saw it as I passed through the kitchen on the way to my office – that swath of beautiful sunshine like a runway on the carpet. While I love living in Colorado, I’m just a bit tired of being cold right now. The warmth of that sunshine across the floor calls to me. I’ll just lay down in it and contemplate the blog post I’m writing. Oh, it feels divine and I don’t want to get up. I write best when I’m relaxed in the moment, so I embrace the feeling of warmth and settle in for a few minutes. The title of the blog comes to me quickly. It’s February, the month we’re reminded of love in so many ways and I decide it’s important to remember that any day can be a special “I Love You” day.

As I write this post on Valentine’s Day, I know you’ll be reading it the day after. Some of you, will still be smiling about your Valentine’s Day experience while others may be reviewing their disappointment. My advice: know when to hold on and when to let go. Cherish what brings you joy and find a way to quickly process any unpleasant feelings and then let them go. Easier said than done, I know. Just because some things are difficult doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do them anyway. Think of a time when you did overcome feeling dejected to achieve a better feeling emotional balance. Decide to take a small step in the direction of love and offer a smile to someone who surely needs it.

If you are single and didn’t treat yourself or receive a gift yesterday, you can invite love in anyway. Love is one of the only things that is not diminished when given away. And, of course you can’t give away what you don’t have, so love yourself first and then make someone elses day with a gift of loving presence, flowers, candy or whatever you feel you have to give – time is also a wonderful gift. We all need someone just to listen to us once in awhile.

Couples - I hope you decide to create your own special “I Love You” days rather than waiting for February as a prompt toward romance. I do so appreciate the reminder that comes after the holidays and in the middle of winters chill. I write about love, teach classes about love and coach others on finding true love, yet I need the reminder as well. It’s easy for couples to fall into comfortable routines and forget to change it up once in awhile. I’m grateful for Valentine’s Day. I’m prompted to take pleasure in the common tasks of life and in the special celebratory moments too. Recently, a friend let me know that he and his wife really enjoy going to home improvement stores together on weekends. I love that! We also embrace the opportunity to take pleasure in whatever we happen to be doing from grocery shopping to just hanging out together and of course, our date nights.

Until next time remember: Any day can be an “I Love You” day for your relationships, romantic and platonic so choose someone who just might need a little love today and lavish it on them!

Are You in the Valentine’s Day Danger Zone?

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:50:00 GMT

This month I’m writing for singles and couples. Since Valentine’s Day is only six days away, I wanted to give you all some tips and ideas for consideration in making your celebration plans. If you are single and without a date this Valentine’s Day, don’t make it the end of the world (we’ll save that for December 21^st – just kidding!). I encourage unattached single women to give themselves a gift on this romantic holiday. I have some ideas for you, but consider them only if you can opt in with the high level energy of gratitude for everything you are and have. Coming from a place of lack as if a gift to yourself on this day is a consolation prize won’t be worth the effort. If you can shift into celebrating yourself mode (which I highly recommend) you can move yourself forward on the path to connecting to your partner by lavishing yourself with love.

Just because you don’t have a date doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Share the evening with friends and no I don’t mean a sad, pity party. I want you to celebrate each other’s wonderful qualities and passion for life as you tell a new story. What new story? This is a perfect time to articulate your romantic affirmations with joyful energy and positivity. You can say, “I am welcoming true love into my life as we speak, the love of my life is on his way to me and I am open to giving and receiving love in an authentic relationship founded on character.” I encourage you to create your new story and practice telling it until you can do so with feeling and conviction.

Married men or those men in committed relationships, I have suggestions for you as well. It’s okay to ask how she’d like to celebrate the day. If she’d rather be surprised you can still find out more about the type of celebrating she’s been thinking about. Ask her for a list of possibilities and choose from it. If you are really on your own with what to do, don’t over think it. Most women are truly pleased with a heartfelt card and some flowers or chocolates. Others of us love jewelry of course and/or just spending the evening out with you over dinner. Dinner does not have to be 5 star - reservations which you probably should have made a month ago, or mega-expensive if you are more in savings mode right now. My husband and I talked about it and decided to go to a local wine bar we both love for its romantic atmosphere and they have a fabulous cheese plate and of course terrific wine selections. Sometimes we go away for the weekend to celebrate, but we’re not locked in to any particular plan. My motto is not to make this too difficult or fussy. For us Valentine’s Day is a special “I love you” day to be together and remember how much we cherish being connected as a couple.

We’d all love to know what you did to celebrate so we can expand our own creativity, so remember to leave a comment. Until next time remember: Stay in the positive energy zone – give yourself lots of love so you can share from a place of abundance.